{I Wonder}...A Note on Worrying

I’ve been reading a lot of articles about honetsy lately and I feel inspired. I’m living a lovely life right now, but sometimes I wonder...What will happen? I sometimes wake up in the morning with the foggy thought, “What will this day be like?” After my favorite musical, “What will my future be?”

  I’m a freshman in college at the University of Minnesota, in my Spring semester. I heard prior to college that freshman year was about taking time to settle in, look into a wide range of studies & enjoy. This is true, but I never expected to feel this incredible burden. Almost every week, my email is plagued with graduate school newsletters; my P.O. Box is exploding with information about every major & minor; posters, slideshows, brochures & even sidewalk chalk around campus remind me about graduating in four years. No more, no less. Workshops & online activites are thrown at me to aid in the process of selecting a major. 

  Although I’m happy, I’m confused. Forever a planner, I’ve been immersed in this world of the unknown. I don’t know what my weekend plans are, let alone what I want to do for rest of my life. I’m told this is suppossed to be exciting, but not knowing what comes next is simply anxiety inducing. I feel pressured to know what I want. Right now. 

  Sometimes, this doesn’t bother me so much. But for the sake of being genuine, it does make me nervous. I have so many interests that the thought of chosing one, and only one, can be overwhelming. It’s often disheartening to see my peers enjoying the comfort of an enviable certainty, while I drift. I work hard, but it can be difficult to know what I’m working toward. With no clear career in mind, is it truly worth it to spend all my time and money at U of M? 

  I know that everything will fall into place. It alwasy does. Perhaps it’s because midterm business, or the grey weather we’ve been having. Nevertheless, I wanted to share my thoughts. My mom is wonderfully supportive, encouraging me that “One day, it will just hit you. You’ll wake up, or be in class and you will just know.”  I am sure she’s right. I admire my mom, a first grade teacher, more than anyone. She is a devoted, charismatic woman teaching children to love learning and reading. Her classroom kids adore her, obviously. 

  Thanks to her, I feel better about being unsure of my future. When I’m feeling down or confused, I remind myself to have confidence. No matter how ambiguous my future is, I’m blessed to be living a wonderful life. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the race for the most prestigious, afluent careers. But I’m just recently a full fledged adult. I’m happy. Occassionally confused, but happy. In the end, I think that’s what matters. 

Have you ever felt pressured to make a decision before you were ready? How did you handle it? Any suggestions for dealing with the unknown? What helps you stay grounded, calm and worry free?


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